it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
