I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm getting married
To pizza
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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