How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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