I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
