i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I think I am morally bankrupt
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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