Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
