btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
