Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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