Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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