don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
