Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
