I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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