i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
