I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize