She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
