With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
