Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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