I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
