This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
