So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
