he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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