I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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