ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
