Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
