clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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