I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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