i would punch a child for taco bell
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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