She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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