your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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