pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
