i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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