I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
