she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
