now i know why i became what i already was.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
