He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
