I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
