Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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