Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
