somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize