We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
