JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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