return my video game
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
