are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize