just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
