Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
