He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
