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She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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