Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
