Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
