For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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