Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
