No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
