the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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