just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
