I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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