You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
