Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
