Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
