not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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