We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It's shark week go big or go home
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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