im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Two words: nipple clamps
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