when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
ok first of all what the fuck
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
