i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
