I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize