Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
