Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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