There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
