forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
