She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize