Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
